by Kerry Thomas
April 30, 2007
Hello, Mr. & Mrs. Joe Six-pack. My name is Kerry and I’m writing on behalf of the Kerry Thomas For Elected Office Committee.
You may not know this but there are evil forces at work in
America. They’ve infiltrated our
government at all levels. And they want
to take away your favorite government program.
They want to cut the money for your children’s schools. They want your
parents to lose their homes. They want
to pollute the air, the water and the soils of Earth and any other planets we
can get to in the universe.
These people are so evil and greedy that they want to send
your kids to war, while they stay safely at home. They want to use your money to prop up other evil people
throughout the world. And they want to
take your money and give it to people who don’t see life the same way you do.
These evil people want to rob you of your right to carry a
gun. They want to restrict your freedom
of speech, of your right to worship any god you want to worship. And they want
to spy on what you do in your bedroom.
If we don’t do something about these evil people, the world
as we have known it will come to a frightening end. And soon.
But you can do something about it. You can join me in fighting these evil people. Together we can win the eternal struggle
between good and evil. We can not only
save your town, but also your state, your country and your world.
Together, you and I will fight this evil wherever we find
it. And we will win.
We will make this country safe for you and your family. We will preserve this world for our children
and our children’s children. We will
keep our water clean, our grass green and our skies blue. We will clean up the evil in the world and
usher in a new era of peace and harmony for all Mankind.
But it won’t be easy.
The evil forces that are aligned against us will do whatever
they can to stop us. They will use any
means possible, both legal and illegal, to fight us. This won’t be an easy battle, but it is one we must win.
For the sake of the world and your family, we must win.
That’s why I’m asking you to join me in this epic
battle. With your generous donation we
will be able to continue this struggle.
I’ll serve in office on your behalf, fighting for you, fighting for the
things you believe in.
Please send me as much money as you can afford this
month. And keep sending it every month
forever. If you care about children,
send me money. If you care about old
people, send me money. If you care about
the environment, send me money. If you
care about your rights, send me money.
If you have a job, and want to keep it, send me money. If you don’t have a job, and want one, send
me money. If you’re retired and want to
ensure your retirement plan stays safe, send me money. If you’re reading this, send me money.
Wait a minute. I
just realized something.
It didn’t cost me anything to convey this message to
you. And if you agree with me, it won’t
cost you anything to tell someone else about my message.
It doesn't cost me anything to vote. So why would any politician need you to send them your money, unless it would be simply to fund their lavish lifestyle?
Every politician in America is desperately trying to
convince you to send them money. It’s a
hard sell. They won’t take no for an
answer. And they’re going to keep
calling, with the same sales pitch.
I’m not buying it.
This
message was authorized and paid for by the other poor schmucks who’ve already
fallen for this scam and sent money.